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Telling people it's a good idea to wear masks several months into a pandemic is like bringing condoms to a baby shower!
Picture SMS 102276
Welcome to parenthood, your sex life now requires more planning than your wedding!
Picture SMS 99508
I was like 'Whatever Bitches' and the bitches whatevered!
Picture SMS 98360
In today's relationship:
You can touch each other's private parts.
But you can't touch each other's cell phones because they are so private!
Picture SMS 98359
I have come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than Fuck!
Soda becomes Vodka.
Bikes become cars.
Kisses turn into sex. Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero?
Race issues were about who ran the fastest.
War was only a card game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?
And we couldn't wait to grow up!
Picture SMS 92385
Isn't it funny how a woman can argue nonstop for 3 hours but 2 minutes into a blowjob, and her jaw hurts!
Picture SMS 90845
What is the difference between guilt and shame?
It's a guilt to sleep with another woman but It's a shame to miss the opportunity!
Picture SMS 87222
"Planes, trains and go fuck yourself": A practical guide to long distance dating!
Picture SMS 86548
Be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your fucking shine!
Picture SMS 86496