If a man has a lock on his phone, has it on silent and always places it facedown: it's because he is protecting his grandma's precious recipes!
Picture SMS 98207
Don't worry about what I'm doing, worry about why you are worried about what I'm doing!
Picture SMS 98203
The world is getting too sensitive.
Soon I won't be able to make fun of myself without people getting offended!
Picture SMS 98117
Technically, All the money you've spent on food has been flushed down the toilet!
Picture SMS 98116
Rich people have affairs and poor people cheat!
Picture SMS 98094
The only thing that's worse than being ignored by the other gender is being ignored by automatic door sensors!
Picture SMS 98027
I'm not sure where women go to learn to argue, but that place is awesome!
Picture SMS 97985
What did I learn today?
Every invention takes time to develop and to work out the kinks. I mean, even Kleenex was nothing to sneeze at in the beginning!
Picture SMS 97971
Today I realized that erasers slowly sacrifice their lives for our mistakes!
Picture SMS 97960
Being an introvert allows me to care about humanity and despise human beings, simultaneously!
Picture SMS 97959