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This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store".

He hasn't been "getting any" from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.

He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life.

Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes.

He asks her, "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a sudden you come in and blow me. What happened?!"

To which his wife replied, "I just washed the floor this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."
A stripper in a hurry to get home leaves the club with nothing on but a loose coat. As she crosses the street a drunk driver skids around the corner and hits her. She goes flying into the air, and lands unconscious on her back with her charms exposed to the world.

As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat upon the stripper's crotch in order to minimize her exposure. In the meantime the drunk driver hardly aware he just hit someone, staggers over to see what all the fuss is about.

Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed on the street, he points to the strategically placed hat and slurs in a loud voice, "Well, the firthst ting we gotta do is get dat guy outta there!"