A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. `Do you have health insurance?` she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Two church members were going door-to-door through the neighborhood and finally arrived at Mrs. Smith's house. She was not happy to see them. She greeted them with an attitude that made it clear she had no time to waste on them or their message.

As she slammed the door in their faces, though, to her surprise, it bounced back open. She caught it, slammed it again, but the same thing happened!

Convinced the man must be sticking his foot in the doorway, she reared back to slam it hard enough to teach him a lesson, when he cried, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you really should move your cat!"
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