A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.

As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, `Of course. Now just open your mouth and say, "Moo!"
An elderly Jewish man is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but his wife persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. He returns home, and his wife says, "Nu, vos zogt der doktor?" (What did the doctor say?)

"Der doktor zogt az ich hob a flucky." ("The doctor says I have a flucky.")

"Oy, gevalt! A flucky! Terrible! What do you do for a flucky?"

"I don't know--he didn't say, and I forgot to ask."

Well, by this time the wife is in a state of high anxiety. She tells her neighbors "My husband was hit by a car, and now he has a flucky! I don't know what to do!"

Neighbor #1 says, "In the old country, when someone had a flucky, we always applied cold. Ice cold is the best thing for a flucky."

Neighbor #2 says, "What are you talking about? Cold is absolutely the worst thing you could do for a flucky! We always applied heat, that's the only thing to do for a flucky."

Cold, heat, oy! Now thoroughly agitated, the wife decides to call the doctor herself. "Doctor, please tell me, what's wrong with my husband?"

"I told him...nothing's wrong. He got off lucky."
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