There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"

Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."

She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"
Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other.

One took the stand and the other said, "How do you plead?"

"Guilty."

"That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court."

The two judges shook hands and changed places.

"How do you plead?" asked the judge.

"Guilty."

The judge reflected for a moment, and said, "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late. In fact, this is the second such incident in the last fifteen minutes. That will be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."
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