A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.

Doctor: What happened?

Woman: Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up.

Doctor: I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!

Doctor: You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?
To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife

P.S. Your Girlfriend called.
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