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One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

So the guy says, "Well, give me some examples."

So the girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

Then she said, "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole than that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then she said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment.

"What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath... Doctor, I'm scared!"

The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said, "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent's response was, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"
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