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Moishe Finkelstein goes into the Ritzy Glitz Restaurant and treats himself to a huge meal with lots of champagne, finishing up with a Havana cigar.

Finally the waiter brings the bill on a silver tray. It comes to ninety -nine dollars and ninety -nine cents, so Moshe pays him with a hundred-dollar bill.

About five minutes later, he calls the waiter back and asks for his change.

Without altering his expression, the waiter leaves and returns a moment later with the silver tray. On it is a penny and a pack of condoms.

Moishe is shocked, and demands an explanation. The waiter lifts his nose in the air, and says, "Sir, it is the policy of our restaurant to encourage customers like you not to reproduce !"
A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation".

The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room. 20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"

The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."

She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.

"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"