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A guy from Texas is invited to a Halloween costume party while in Chicago on business so he visits a costume shop.

He says, "I'm going to a costume party, and I want to go as Adam."

The girl looks him over, and then brings out a fig leaf.

He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one.

He says, "Still not big enough."

She brings out a huge fig leaf.

He says, "Honey That's still a liitle on the small side....."

Not impressed she says, "Listen, Tex, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street.

"Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "where-a you-a been for-a da past-a two weeks? No-a one-a seen-a you around."

"Don'na talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been-a inna da jail."

"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been-a in jail?"

"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna a beach, anna da cops come, arresta me and atrow me inna jail!"

"But dey donna trow you in jail-a just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered.

"Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin' and akickin' and a yellin'.
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