If it is on, I must turn it off.

If it is off, I must turn it on.

If it is folded, I must unfold it.

If it is liquid, it must be shaken then spilled.

If it is solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.

If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

If it is pointed, it must be run with full speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is trash, it must be removed, inspected and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened.

If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a pen or pencil, it must write on refrigerator, monitor, TV or table.

If it is full, it will be more interesting empty.

If it is empty, it must be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If it is a paper, it must be torn.

If it has switches, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed. If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted.

If it is food, it must not be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet.
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

In London, a customer asked, "Do you have "Sarso Da Tel?"

The shopkeeper says "Are you a "Punjabi?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something...

If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hotdog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?

If I had asked for halal meat, would you ask me if I was Muslim?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

The shopkeeper says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then because I asked for Sarso Da Tel, why did you ask if I am a Punjabi?"

The (calm) shopkeeper replied, "Because, this is a wine shop."