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A lawyer went to a remote village and stayed at the local inn for a few days. While he was there, he had an affair with the innkeeper's young daughter.

A few months later he was back at the inn again, and the young girls was pregnant! When he confronted her, she admitted that the child was his.

"But why didn't you let me know?" said the lawyer, "I would have married you!"

"Well," replied the inkeeper's daughter, "Daddy said that one bastard in the family is quite enough!"
Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm Spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Because his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him, "Take me... young man... Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Woman: Hell no! He just yelled "April Fool" and that's when I shot the little bastard.
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