A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.

"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.

"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."

"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.

"Well," says the businessman, thinking it best to play along, "I suppose I'd ease off on Mr Accelerator, and switch on Mr Headlights and Mr Windscreen wipers."

The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. "I asked you what you were planning on doing if you met MIST OR FOG!"

And threw the book at him.
Four retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - ALL DRINKS 10p. They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a pint of bitter. In no time the bartender serves up four frothing pints of bitter, and says, "That'll be 10p each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their pints, and order another round.

Again, four excellent pints are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p, please."

They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two pints and haven't even spent a 1 Pound yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve a pint of bitter as good as this for a 10p a piece?"

"I'm a retired tailor," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for Pound 25 Million Pounds and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer; it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their pints of beer, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired Gujaratis from Wembley.... They're waiting for Happy Hour......... when drinks are half-price!!!"
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